The image above shows the vast, empty shelves of a relatively quiet appliance store. All these idle shelves are all home to the “fan/ air cooling” department, all part of what I am calling The Great Fan Run.
Scotland at the moment is boiling. No joke! The roads are melting, the grass can’t not be on fire and half of the population remind me of giant, deformed tomatoes which have been out in the sun far too long.
Friday was the day we, as a family, decided we needed more than just the one fan in the house. We often had to fight to the death (slight exaggeration) every night to see who would get to take the fan into their room whilst the loser would suffer in the heat of the night.
My parents spent the most part of the day travelling around neighbouring towns, all across the county looking for a cheap though powerful fan. Not one in sight apparently.
They decided to pause the search and came back home to escape the heat. Later, my dad and I went on with the search.
We continued searching every store possible throughout the surrounding towns but we were starting to notice a pattern.
The most comical thing I had seen was when we walked into Argos (a catalogue store for all you non Britannians). Everyone, and I mean everyone was searching fans, air conditioning units and paddling pools. Every item came up as out of stock on the screen in front of them and their disappointment was basically their death in this great war.
I suppose all this reminded me of the Christmas film, Jingle All the Way starring Arnold Swarchenegger where his son really wanted this one toy for Christmas as well as every other child in the world which led to them being out of stock everywhere and people would do anything to get one of the action figures etc, etc. Well, replace the action figure toy with a fan and you’ve got a pretty clear idea of what was going on.
In the end, we had one last go in one last store. One minute I had seen my dad looking down the aisles, the next he’s gone in a flash, diving for an orange box at the end of an aisle.
So, our story had a very happy ending though we didn’t dare spread the word that we had found a fan because we most certainly would have been hunted down for this cheap fan which might as well have been a bag full of gold bars.
And that, ladies and gentlemen is the pointless story of the day. Or is it?
If I learned one thing from this experience it is that you should never get between a man and his fan in temperatures above 20 degrees.