Laugh (verb) – – Make the spontaneous sounds and movements of the face and body that are the instinctive expressions of lively amusement and sometimes also of contempt or derision
Laughing. Most of us do it everyday. From laughing at a hilarious joke or seeing someone else trip over. We all laugh, or at least, we have all laughed.
Today, when I came home from school, I thought my mum and dad were looking rather depressed. No expression on their faces, and hardly saying a thing. “What’s the matter?” I asked and their reply was simply “nothing”. Hmm… something not quite right…
I usually walk into the living room after a hard and busy day, only to find my mum rolling about the floor laughing her head off from something my dad has said. But not today, and that was the exact point I maid to them.
So, my Dad got right in there and started telling jokes since he seen that I didn’t think the atmosphere was quite right, even although nothing was wrong. This kick-started a whole hour of us telling jokes to each other. And so, I have decided to tell you a few of my favourite jokes that I’ve heard here and there from all different people, including the ones from earlier today! They’re also in no particular order, and they are not meant to violate any copyright stuff and things, they’re only for fun!
1 Before I tell this joke, I must tell you that it was my school librarian who told me this one, so thanks to her for this one!
A duck, was about to cross a road, when suddenly a chicken appeared. The chicken walked up to the duck and said, “Don’t do it mate, you’ll never hear the end of it!”.
2 I reccomend you know a little bit about alcohol for this one…
A white horse walks into a bar. He says to the barman, “Hey! What kind of drinks do you sell here?” the barman happily replied with, “Oh, we sell lots of drinks here, in fact, we have one named after you!” the white horse replied with “What, Steven?”.
Did you hear about the Irishman who bought a paper shop? Yeah… it blew away…
4 This one has to be my favourite one of all time…
A man jumped from a plane only to discover his parachute wasn’t working. He was plummeting to the ground until he began to see the figure of a man come up the way. The parachuter said to the man, “Do you know anything about parachutes” the other man coming up the way replied with “No, but err… do you know anything about gas cookers?”.
At a balloon school, where balloons are educated, a balloon in one class got so angry, so much so, that he slowly deflated. The teacher turned round and said to him, “What an awful shame. You’ve let your school down, you’ve let your classmates down and most importantly, you’ve let yourself down”.
A man went to see his doctor. He said to his doctor, “Doctor, I’ve been feeling rather odd recently…” The doctor told the man to carry on. “Well, recently, I’ve been been feeling like a pig!” The doctor was fascinated! “Interesting! So since when have you been feeling like a pig?”. the man thought and replied, “Oh, for about a *pig like voice* WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!”
7 This is an old Halloween one I used to tell as I went on my searches for sweets…
Q:What do you call a yeti in a phone box?
8 Another question and answer one…
Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a freezer?
9 Another “doctor doctor” one…
A man was at his doctor. He pointed to his cheek and said, “I’ve noticed I have a lake here on my cheek. In fact, there’s a few palm trees too and a sandy beach. What have I got?” The doctor thought for a moment. “Ahh, I can tell you exactly what that is, it’s just a beauty spot!”
10 And the final one…
Q: Knock knock!
Q2: Who’s there?
A: A wee man who canny reach the bloomin’ doorbell!
Ahh well, that’s all I’m giving you for now, because I really couldn’t make you laugh too much, after all it may be illegal where you live! However, if you have any jokes to share, don’t be shy to share them with us by commenting below!